dance

everything that i thought would never happen
happened
everything i stood for
crashed and burned
the one thing that made me happy
makes me cry
im not happy anymore
was i ever?
the one thing i had
gone
the one thing i stood for
that i made this blog for
doesnt make me happy
doesnt help me vent
i wish things were back to normal
i wish i would look/be normal
the only thing i do is cry
all the time
music is my escape now
not dance
teachers ruined it
dancers ruined
they underestimate me
im sick of it
last line in my dance
last line in their dance
where do i stand?
i wish i knew
they cant blame it on my height
yet they do
way to make me feel even lower
the worst part is
im not going to stoop down to their level
im going to dance my heart out
make people look at me
or at least try

lost...

i've been feeling very tired lately
i don't know why
i've been going to school sleeping through classes
coming home to sleep till 5
go to dancing
finish my homwork go to bed at 10
is that healthy?
every since Mardi Gras
it's been different
can a guy really affect your life this much
i dont feel like myself anymore
i dont know how he feels about me anymore
i like a sence of whats going on in my life
i dont know what to do
dancing isnt that big of an escape anymore
i think he's playing with my head
eventhough i barley talk to him/see him
those little words we say to each other
mean so much
they affect me
they make me think
they make me confused
they excite me
then bring me down
they make me think i have a chance
but i dont know if i do
i've been feeling depressed
i just want to see him
my friend hates him
but i like him
he might like me
he wants to see me
we havent made time
dance competitions/work gets in the way
the book i'm reading makes me even worst
its such a good book
but alot of saddness happens in it
maybe thats the cause
have you ever went through the emotions
that they main character goes through
i have
but not this bad
it's affecting my life
the books almost over
will i be normal...
ever
what should i do
deal with it
or try to fix it
try to fix myself
or...
whats the other option
death
no
im not one to hurt myself
i just need another option
another chance
another thing
to get my mind in the right state
i need a vacation
i need to feel comfort
in myself
and with others
i need to get this virus off my computer
i need to figure things out
i need you